When asked what she wanted John Piper to say at this point, his wife Noel said “You cannot say too often that marriage is a model of Christ and the church.” Piper gives three reasons:
- This lifts marriage out of the sordid sitcom images and gives it the magnificent meaning God meant it to have
- This gives marriage a solid basis in grace, since Christ obtained and sustains his bride by grace alone, and
- This shows that the husband’s headship and the wife’s submission are crucial and crucified.
Chapters 1 and 2 discussed the first reason. Chapters 3-5 will deal with reason #2 – how the grace of God should impact our marriages as they become showcases of new-covenant grace. Piper says we do this by “resting in the experience of God’s grace and bending it out from a vertical experience with God into a horizontal experience with (our) spouse.” This is the basis on which we can be naked and not ashamed in spite of the fact that we have much to be ashamed of.
In order to really hold this in perspective, it is critical that we hold close the memory of the wrath of God that we deserve. “Without a biblical view of God’s wrath, you will be tempted to think that your wrath – your anger – against your spouse is simply too big to overcome, because you have never really tasted what it is like to see an infinitely greater wrath overcome by grace, namely, God’s wrath against you.” Our sins were nailed to the cross, but not only our own but those of our spouse as well, if we are married to a believer. Piper says, “Husbands and wives cannot believe this too strongly. It is essential to our fulfilling the design of marriage.”
But the gospel goes beyond mere forgiveness, amazing as that is. It not only wipes away our debt but it credits us with the perfect righteousness of Christ himself! So not only can we bend outward the grace of God in forgiveness but also the justification that makes us righteous. Piper says, “As the Lord counts you righteous in Christ, though you are not righteous in actual behavior and attitude, so count your spouse righteous in Christ, though he or she is not righteous. Of course, this doesn’t remove the need for repentance and forgiveness, but grounded in the words of Col 3:12-13 it gives us a basis for forgiving and forbearing with our spouses.
In the next chapter, we will explore Forgiving and Forbearing.
